This week was a doozie. A large and heavy piece of glass fell on the top of my foot and sliced it badly. After a day of trying to tough it out, I realized it was serious and finally went to the doctor. I was sentenced to a boot with orders to keep my foot elevated and iced until next week. When the doctor told me to do this, I was thinking, “uhhhhh, excuse me, do you not know my life – I can barely escape to the bathroom for 30 seconds.” I never realized how important my feet were until I suddenly lost the use of one. Normal walking isn’t an option without that big tendon working (flexor hallucis longus). Now I’m hobbling around our house like Red Foxx.
We won’t know the extent of the tendon damage until I see the doctor again on Monday. Right now I’m so thankful for my husband, who has been a prayer warrior and also taken over all my duties with no complaints (while juggling work). The kids have been great – although my little ballerina has been so sad and finally confessed yesterday that she was worried my toe would be amputated and I would never dance again. I reassured her that’s not the case. She’s so tender-hearted. Thankful for close friends who have kept me smiling and laughing. I shared the news yesterday on my instagram and received an outpour of prayers, love, and positive comments. Thank you!!! I’m convinced it all made a huge difference – not long after my post I was able to actually wiggle and slightly lift my big toe, which is amazing. This was big improvement considering earlier it was massive, hurting, and unable to move. The good news is I still have one foot that can go en pointe.
This situation has been painful, scary, and frustrating. And it has triggered some strong emotions in me.
As a dancer, equestrian, and recovering worry wart, the thought of my foot not functioning properly is horrifying. In fact, the more I realized that this was serious, the more my mind started racing through all of the “what ifs” on the damage of my foot. It’s taken a lot of focus/discipline/prayer to redirect those fearful thoughts and stay positive. Fear is a funny thing – it can move into the real estate of your head and totally take over. Kind of like termites. But you have to denounce it and stay focused on positive thoughts and faith. When I really think about it, half the things I’ve worried about in the past never even happened – those fears were just monsters in my head that robbed me of joy. Fear is a dangerous thing to the mind and can grow so big that it blows everything out of proportion and makes the situation seem worse than it really is. Before you know it, you are robbed of your joy.
Yep. Fear is a liar. It snares you into being afraid of something that may not be there or ever really happen. I recently came across this great quote: “feed your faith and your fear with starve to death.” Love that.
I’m going to stay off my feet and stay focused on the positive this weekend. I’m going to claim that this foot will heal in the right time and in the right way. I’m also going to refer back to a post I wrote earlier this year on how to turn negative thoughts into positive affirmations. Funny, reading it might be like reading a note from my past self to my future self.
Are you struggling with something that makes you fearful? Remember to starve that fear and feed your faith. Don’t be robbed of your joy. Don’t worry about what could happen or what hasn’t happened yet. Simply take it one positive statement/thought/prayer at a time. I’m going to be focused on that this weekend. Hope to be back by the end of next week!